not yet a philistine*

I vacillate on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, between wanting to and not wanting to go back to school. Since graduating, I’m more at ease than I have been in years. And to be free of that ever present nagging feeling of I-should-be-doing-school-work is far greater a relief than I had expected. Even though it may be among only a few things compelling me to neglect my plans to return to academia, its impact is pretty strong. But of course, the desire to return to school is still stronger (though with time, it may be gradually waning). I miss sitting in a classroom, absorbing vast quantities of mostly useless information, and then forgetting much of it. I miss the professors. Working on problem sets. The math parts especially. And the readings. Referencing my collection of overpriced textbooks. Being among other students. The romance. And though I admit this grudgingly, I miss the challenge. And I have yet to experience anything that meets up to the elation felt upon acing a difficult course. But most of all, I miss the false sense of purpose.

*From The Squid and the Whale (a film that by the way I found thought provoking and would highly recommend): a philistine is "a guy who's not interested in books and interesting films and things."